It must be hard, feeling your age. When you've been one of the most desireable men on Earth, it must be hard to know that, regardless that the equipment, the plumbing works fine, you are still looking a little past it. A little old. Time waits for no man. Valor Morghulis. No amount money or fame is going to stop that. What's even more frightening is that no matter how much you try to chase the thought away with sun, good food, fancy hats, and oogles of artistic cred, you still look into the mirror and think: Hi, Dad. I'm starting to look just like you. My genes are following you even though I swore I'd never do that. Can't you women understand just how frightening all this is? We always thought we'd live forever! And even when we've come far as we possibly can and conquered the world, like Johhny here, we still can't fight off time. There's not too many shopping days left until Christmas. 
So Johhny Depp, or someone who looks an awful lot like him (Jared Leto), has been rumoured to have been seen leaving Ashley Olsen's apartment. That's…distressing. He's dealing with a mid-life crisis while she's thinking that her fame and wealth bought her a night with a disappointingly saggy Edward Scissorhands. As they're screwing each other, they're each off in some other place with private fantasies. How often have we fucked ghosts and phantoms, only to open our eyes and see that our lovers are doing the same thing? No wonder age and depression are linked. We grow older and we become blind to everything. 
So here's to Johnny Depp, who is furiously, adamantly happy with his partner, Vanessa Paradis, and he might be banging a living, billionaire barbie. Hope it was worth it, Johnny.
Nobody knows the trouble you feel
Nobody cares the feelin' is real
Johnny, we're sorry, won't you come on home
We worry, won't you come on
What is wrong in my life
That I must get drunk every night
Johnny, we're sorry won't you come on…
